4 Years


It's hard to believe I used to love you. 
1 year ago, we were writing each other letters and emails every week. 
2 years ago, you said you were going to marry me. 
3 years ago, we were dating and spending as much time together as we could. 
4 years ago, I was finally able to admit to myself that I really liked you.

I never thought in my wildest dreams you'd actually go for me.
But then you did. 
4 years I loved you endlessly.


 I thought the love was mutual, but to you, our relationship was just a game. 
4 years, on and off, more than friends, but only friends. 

 You'd say, "I love you and I cannot wait to come home and marry you,"

As you were talking to other girls behind my back. 
I never said anything, because I wanted to trust you, and you to trust me.
 I should have seen the excuses I came up with for 4 years  as the red flags
Floundering in my head screaming 
"WARNING! WARNING!" 
4 years you had me brainwashed into thinking that's just how relationships are.


 When you left, we committed to staying together. 
Writing love letters every week, Emails every Monday. 

 Except 1 year in, they stopped.

 I was drowning in confusion and hurt.
Until the dreaded email came.

“Was hoping I could just stop, and things would fade away…”

You were never even going to tell me you didn’t love me.
You couldn’t even say to my face that you never wanted to marry me,
That I was just part of a charade for your own physical pleasures.
You never told me why you had a sudden change in heart,

But you didn’t need to.
The excited chatter of our friends eventually slithered into my life:

My replacement.


Before you were even home, she moved in with the family that was supposed to be mine,
Planning the wedding that was ours,
Sending friend and follow requests to me on social media like we were best of friends.

I never knew what it was like to hate someone I didn’t even know, until I heard her name.
I never knew what it was like to hate someone I used to love with everything living breath I made,
Until you threw me aside like an unpolished moonstone, 
For what you thought would be a shinier rock.
I never knew what a shattered heart was like, until you left me for the wolves of grief.


 But I as I am left alone to pick up the fragments of broken dreams,
The conquest rises up inside me.
Because you will realize you made a vast mistake fooling me the way you did,
 And then letting me go like a dead flower.
Because now I am better off without you.

Because for 4 years, and for evermore,
 You never have deserve me.

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