To The Moon & Back & Back Again

My heart can't decide if it wants to trickle & cry, or continue on with this lie. I really want to try, but I wish I could shrivel up & die. My heart is filled with a hot blazing rage, and I feel like I'm trapped in a cage. Is it time to tear out the page, or is this the path to our shining stage?

My heart ached to learn of the lies you fed me And even though I came out bruised and broken, I have been set free. The flames that once engulfed me have become a part of my very soul, They have the burning strength to walk away And take back control. I stand great and tall wearing the crown, I now rule over all, And my demons have no choice but to bow down.

I had a lover that I fancied for years, But one day he left me in a puddle tears. Another woman had come between us, And he was planning to leave, thus I came up with a plan to cause him misery, With my acquainted skills of witchery. A little voodoo doll, Would make his skin crawl, With the tingle of bugs, which he truly hated. And a curse to leave him always humiliated After a late night of romance. I whispered a spell, to make us cross paths by chance. A concoction of poison sat bubbling in my pocket, I slipped it in his drink, now making it toxic. I watched in the shadowed corner, And t o his new lover’s horror, He coils and slithers, And begins to wither Into the snake that had made our love disappear.

The only thing that keeps me sane, Is the same pill that makes me feel dead inside. I hear the voices laughing in my head Taunting me… Not pretty enough. Smart enough. Thin enough.  Enough for this world. They tell me to let the pain ooze from my wrists,  That it will make the hurt feel like happiness. If I just drink a little more, The voices will slur and forget how to speak, Till I drown them in the darkness of blackout. If I just turn the music on till I block all the static of the world, The voices will shut up and relax for a while. The voices tell me to smile. To say I’m doing well,  And happy with my life. They lie, and tell me it’s true. They tell me that they are my friends,  That I don’t need to silence them. But I can feel their toxins course through my entire being. Taking over my body, Till I have no control but to be a puppet.

The hardest parts of finding missing pieces of the puzzle after moving on, Is realizing that you never really did move on. That missing piece suddenly brings back all the pain and heartache. And even though it’s been months, the memory of it makes it feel real still. And the hardest part about that, Is knowing have you have to let go now. Knowing you have to find that strength to get yourself back up again, The strength that seemed so impossible to find the first time, To wipe your own tears away,   And find peace within yourself. Trying to forgive their betrayal, And forgiving yourself for the blame you put in your own mind. The hardest part is letting go of the person you were then, And accepting the new person you’ve become now.

For a wound to properly heal without infection, You should remove the weapon which caused the damage. So how is that any different with an emotional wound? People make it sound like running away from your problems is always a bad thing.   But if the problem is out of your control to fix, Then just like removing the weapon, you must remove what is causing that emotional ache. Sometimes to let yourself truly rectify, You must get away completely from the source of your emotional turmoil. Sometimes "toughening it out" or " time will heal all" just stabs the knife in deeper. Sometimes you need escape. The constant reminder that you have been hurt,   That you can't fix what has been broken, Will haunt you in memories till you can destroy it with peace.